The Sour 25:
What Positive Child Guidance is NOT
1. Ignoring me
2. Breaking promises
3. Yelling at me
4. Interrupting me
5. Treating me like I don’t matter
6. Forgetting that I have feelings, too
7. Assuming that I don’t care
8. Misunderstanding that when I mess up it’s usually because I don’t know how to do it right
9. Being too busy to listen
10. Being impatient with me
11. Having favorites
12. Picking on me
13. Punishing me when it isn’t my fault
14. Punishing me over and over
15. Embarrassing me in front of my friends
16. Humiliating me in front of my friends
17. Making me feel stupid in front of my friends
18. Not knowing that I am lonely and have no friends
19. Making mean faces at me
20. Teasing me; saying things that you think are funny but are not funny to me
21. Hurting my feelings
22. Being angry with me
23. Remembering all of my mistakes
24. Not caring about how I feel or what I think
25. Not knowing that I really want to please you
Children long for positive emotional connections, especially from significant adults. When those attachments are absent, children are often unable to relate positively with others and subsequently tend to become withdrawn, suspicious, isolated, and distrustful. There is no empathy, caring, or compassion for others. “One of the features of antisocial personality disorder is the absence of an emotional linkage with others …They are emotionally disconnected,” (Smith 2005, 7). “Children with insecure attachments may suffer from conduct disorder, aggression, depression, or anti-social behavior later in life” (Centres of Excellence for Children’s Wellbeing 2009, 2).
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References
Centres of Excellence for Children’s Wellbeing (2009). Responding to children’s needs: Important developmental milestones in young children. (November): 1-2.
Gallagher, M., and K. Mayer. 2008-2009. Annual Editions: Early Childhood Education. 29thed. New York, NY: Mc-Graw Hill Companies, Inc.
Honig, Alice S. 2002. Secure relationships: Nurturing the infant toddler attachment in early care settings. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children.
Smith, Charles. 2005. First steps to mighty hearts: The Origins of courage. Beyond the Journal: 1-9.